you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
sarcasm needs its own font
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
