New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
