so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
