he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
