i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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