i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
