You're completely useless in the revolution.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
