it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
