dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
