Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
