we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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