her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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