I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
