I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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