I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You're like the curious george of whores
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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