You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
