i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize