listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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