it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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