In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Come on in and take your pants off
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