i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just threw up on my dentist
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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