I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
