Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
