so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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