I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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