i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
