Do you still have your period?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
