Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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