Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
