i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
