Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
