Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
