just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
