Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
