put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
