You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You're so nebulous sometimes
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
