dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
