Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
