I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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