walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
