I wish I could teleport
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
well I can't set my house on fire every night
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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