ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
