At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
