I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
