Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
