well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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