omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
