i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
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