You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
