idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
thus making me awesome and them whores
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
