I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
