Yo dont text me then not text me
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
