I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
