And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
