the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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