I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
